Reflections upon a Path to Union

Talks on Fundamentals of Spiritual Living (Part Four) - Behavioural Patterns

• Penny Frampton

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Have you ever felt like invisible barriers are holding you back? Join me, Penny Frampton, as I unravel the hidden forces of limiting beliefs and protective behaviours that can shape our personalities and dictate our life's trajectory. This podcast chapter isn't just a listening experience; it's a revelation of the subtle subconscious patterns that may be dictating your reactions and choices without your conscious consent.

This transformative discussion is not just about identifying what holds us back, but also about forging a path forward. Learn the actionable steps to recognize and dismantle the beliefs that limit us, and how to engage in a healing dialogue with our inner selves.  I offer guidance on using affirmations and inner dialogue to shift old patterns in favour of nurturing our current aspirations. And as we peel back the layers of our consciousness, we touch upon the profound spiritual growth that comes with self-awareness—a theme that we'll continue to explore in subsequent chapters.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome. My name is Penny Frampton and I am the host of the podcast A Little Light on the Path. A Little Light on the Path is a series of talks about esoteric philosophy from a practical and experiential perspective. I will be presenting intellectual concepts but at the point of view of how they impact our lives and our spiritual journey, how those ideas work out through our ordinary lives, in other words, how to live an ordinary life in an extraordinary way. My previous podcasts have been about the importance of basic spiritual practices. There was a saying, man know thyself, which was one of several sayings carved over the entrance to the Temple of Apollo in ancient Delphi, which was the site of the sacred oracle. It is so very important, before undertaking any really powerful spiritual practices like meditation or even yoga, to get to know yourself. The last few podcasts I have talked about the importance of physical, emotional and mental health upon the spiritual path and mental health upon the spiritual path, and now I'm going to look at them all together and how they all work together to form patterns of behaviour.

Speaker 1:

Thoughts and emotions work together within our personality to create belief systems and behaviours. It is important to recognise and acknowledge what your beliefs are relationships with others, with yourself and the way you relate to humanity and the world as a whole. To become aware of them and to work with them is the study of a lifetime ever shifting and changing. We can never become complacent. Recently, after nearly 30 years of working upon myself, I discovered a huge limiting belief that was affecting my whole life and all its aspects. But this keeps us humble, so I particularly want to look at limiting beliefs Now. This is a belief that places limits on your actions and within your life. These work alongside subconscious protective behavioural patterns that have developed at some point in your life in the past. Protective behavioural patterns are habitual and defensive reactions to past events that are projected into the present, habitual means. They happen again and again in a repeating cycle. They are defensive reactions set up as a protection against past events, something that has happened in the past that was traumatic or simply hurtful or challenging. Repetitively through your life and your personality develops a defensive reaction to that past event and to similar triggers in the present, and they affect every aspect of your life.

Speaker 1:

The best way to describe them is to use an example. So there's a young girl about 14 years of age who has just started senior school and she has a sister who is seven years older than her who is very jealous of her younger sister. So, no matter what this young girl achieves, her older sister laughs at her and ridicules her achievements and ridicules her achievements. It covers all aspects of her life drawing and art, singing and music, sports, homework. Everything she tries to achieve to gain recognition from her sister is going to be way beyond her years and capabilities, and so is always going to be laughed at and ridiculed by her sister. So this is the repetitive, hurtful past events.

Speaker 1:

So what is her reaction? What is the result? What does she feel? She feels hurt, helpless, maybe a lot of confusion, unrecognised, unloved and eventually unworthy. And so what behaviour does that produce? It may produce a fear of trying or achieving, because trying and achieving brings emotional pain. Now let's bring in another person to her life her father, who is always trying to help her with her maths homework but insists on teaching her using his own methodology. And that causes more confusion, because she knows that it is not something that she is supposed to demonstrate later at school, and this compounds the feelings of emotional hurt and helplessness around learning and achieving. She then goes into school and in front of the class. The teacher asks her to explain how she achieved the answer, and she can't. And so the teacher accuses to explain how she achieved the answer, and she can't. And so the teacher accuses her of cheating. So what feelings does that create? Mortifying, embarrassment for being told off and accused of something she didn't do in front of her classmates, hurt, anger, resentment.

Speaker 1:

And what is the pattern of behaviour that this produces? Fear of trying and achieving. So you have layer upon layer of past events building up negative examples of the result of trying to achieve something, of the result of trying to achieve something. So what is a protective behaviour going to be? Simply, she stops trying to achieve altogether and this develops into a subconscious pattern of behaviour that will run habitually for the rest of her life. The consequences are she doesn't achieve at school, she's not going to achieve at work. It will affect her choice in relationships, because she doesn't want to be laughed at by trying to appear intelligent or to achieve something. Similarly, it affects her friends and her peers. She won't excel at art or music or sports. Other behaviours will grow out of this as well. She may lack any competitive spirit.

Speaker 1:

The fear of appearing knowledgeable, a fear of appearing to have achieved something, a fear of speaking up in company. There are so many consequences, behaviour upon behaviour, rippling out through every aspect of your life. So let's now look at what the limiting beliefs are behind these behavioural patterns. So, taking this young girl again, she comes out of school having achieved 12 O levels and 3 A levels, but what do you think her beliefs are going to be about this achievement? And for most of us this would be an excellent achievement, but for this girl she would always probably believe something like I am never good enough. Or maybe achievement never brings love. It might be if I achieve, everyone will laugh at me, or no one loves a smartass. These are all the limiting beliefs behind the protective behaviours, and just check out the words in those last two If I achieve, everyone will laugh at me. This is because as we go through life, we look for examples to prove what we believe, and by the time she gets to her 30s, there is an ingrained belief that everyone is going to laugh at her if she achieves something, and so the entrenched limiting belief and protective behavioral patterns now subconsciously affect every aspect of her life.

Speaker 1:

We can obviously also take on limiting beliefs and protective behaviours based upon those of our parents or partners, or even peers, or based upon a set of religious beliefs or ideology, either your own or impressed upon you as childhood, and beliefs that no longer serve you in later life. So we need to develop a flexibility around our beliefs. In previous podcasts I have mentioned you are not your emotions or you are not your thoughts, but when it comes to beliefs, it is rather more about choosing the beliefs and behaviours that serve you, particularly upon a spiritual path. Upon a spiritual path, if you do not believe in the divine or soul consciousness, you would not take the steps or set up the behaviours to attempt to become aware of and to connect with that level of consciousness. But remain flexible always, because even upon the spiritual path, beliefs change and grow with experience. So to be flexible, of course you have to recognise them, become aware of them. You have to recognise them and be willing to change them. And if you have a lot of subconscious limiting beliefs, it is difficult to choose to change them because there is a natural fear of the consequences based upon our supportive past experiences. So how do we become aware of them and how do we change them? Aware of them and how do we change them. This can be done alone, but is easier and quicker to have someone who can reflect back to you what they pick up from the words you use or the behaviours they notice. Choose someone who is intuitive and insightful, if you can, and, above all, non-judgmental. There are an incredible amount of books on this subject which describe processes to do this, but I'll just describe the way that I do it.

Speaker 1:

If you become aware of something in your life that isn't working, taking the same example as before, this young girl grows up and later in life, realises that she's not achieving anything. But at this point she will not know the original source behind her inability to achieve what she now actually wants to in life, and perhaps now she is getting depressed about it. It's causing problems within her life. So, although she doesn't recognise the pattern of behaviour, she does recognise that something is not working in her life. So this is the first step Become aware of something that isn't working in your life, something that you want to change.

Speaker 1:

Now there is one simple question to ask yourself at this point, and that is what would happen if, for example, this young woman we were talking about, if she were to ask herself what would happen if you did achieve something. If you did achieve something, her answer would bring up her limiting belief. Something like everyone would laugh at me or no one loves a smart arse. When a limiting belief comes up that uses words like everyone or no one, it means that in the past there has been someone or some event that has caused that belief to be formed. So in this situation you can ask yourself what do you mean by everyone, or do you really mean everyone? And quite often this will unravel backwards to a particular someone or a particular event or events in the past that caused that limiting belief. And so you are beginning to pick up on your limiting beliefs and the events that caused them, and that begins to unlock the protective behavioural patterns formed around them.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes what is not working in your life may not seem to be obviously connected to the events that created the behaviour you're looking at, but simply work with what comes up for you in the moment. There may be several threads interwoven through time, creating the behaviour mixed up with different behaviours and beliefs, and you may have to work with each thread, one at a time. This is why it's sometimes useful to have someone to act as a mirror or a guide during this process. It keeps you focused on one thread or one behaviour at a time. And once you begin to understand what your pattern is, just be aware of the fact that you might be judging yourself for it. Silly me, stupid me. Don't judge, because essentially a part of you like in the example, that part of the grown woman that was 14 years old and set up a protection against painful emotional experiences it set it up as a positive action at that time. It just doesn't work for you in the present. So don't judge. In fact, start to feel into gratitude, to be really thankful for that part of you that set up this protection all those years ago to prevent you feeling sad or hurt. And if you think about it, those protective mechanisms are amazing. I mean, they're incredible in what they do.

Speaker 1:

So once you've acknowledged the belief and the pattern, there will usually be a huge release of energy. An emotion is energy, so there may be a release of emotion as well. It can be really cathartic. It can be very challenging, uncomfortable and painful at the time, full at the time. So, as I said in a previous podcast about emotions, just be with it, sit with it and release it. For however long it takes to release that energy Now, you will feel unstable for a while because that pattern has been your stability for such a long time and all of a sudden, it's not there to support you. And this is when you can start to change your limiting belief. And it's very simple.

Speaker 1:

Again, as I mentioned in our previous podcast on thoughts, change the belief. In this example, the woman can change. Achievement is never enough to I am enough. This will take a little time to change and it will take a conscious effort to pick up on that belief every time and to change it, and it usually takes a month to change a belief or a behavioural pattern.

Speaker 1:

Now there is another step which you can take beyond this. If you think of yourself as made up of many parts, and this particular part of you created this protective behaviour in the past, had your best interests at heart at the time. Now you can actually have a conversation with this part of yourself, recognise it, acknowledge it, don't judge it and actually thank it for its service, a service that it has faithfully kept up to this day, then you can say I thank you for your service, but this service is no longer required. I release you from your service Now. Sometimes this is enough, but I also like to add another step. Think of another service that that part could play for you going forward, a positive, affirming part, and ask them to take on that new service. In our example of the young woman, she could ask that part of herself to now play the role of supporting her in achieving her goals. All these processes are fun to play with. Just try them out.

Speaker 1:

Experience the changes that happen, put something else into action and experience that this is what basic spiritual practices are all about, and it's a lifetime of expression. Slowly, you become more self-aware of the level of the personality that is yourself, and so you develop spiritually. You do not fall into any unconscious patterns of behavior based upon unconscious beliefs, and the spiritual path is all about a greater and greater self-awareness until the personality is clearer and the ability to become aware of other levels of consciousness can then develop as a result. Then you can start living an ordinary life in an extraordinary way. Thank you for listening to A Little Light on the Path and thank you to all my subscribers. Your monthly donations are what enable me to continue to produce future podcasts for you all. I can also be found on the Wisdom app every Sunday at 7pm GMT where you can guest on my talk and talk directly with me. Otherwise, I can be found on Facebook or Twitter. Now X under A Little Light.